|The cream of the crap, right here. My best picture hands-down. I hope to get more taken someday.|
--I thought my trip to Elgin, Illinois was going to be rather... exciting, to say the least. I didn't expect it to be a prelude to a catalyst, however. Granted, I spent two days having a wonderful time with a beautiful woman, but that was really the end of it. I felt pretty shitty after I left, because of the fact that was the most I had connected with any one person in so long. It felt good, and I think it actually strengthened our relationship. And I will be doing it again, because, I have to. It'll be good for my mind to make a return trip. And with the promise of a good deal on a hotel, how can I say no, exactly. As long as I don't spend 4 days in it alone. That is not super exciting.
--Fast forward to the first few days back on the job. I felt... off. Something was wrong, and I wasn't entirely sure what. But after a talk with my friend Katie, she hit me with a load of bricks, straight to the head. Her... penchant for not holding back and being rather crass sent me this enormous wake-up call. And suddenly I was wondering what I had been wasting my time on. It was more than apparent that I had been financially stable and gainfully employed for the last 7 years, but... what am I getting out of it? A paycheck and nothing truly satisfying. I'm not even close to being where I want to in the workforce. After a failed attempt at doing something IT related, I already figured out that the market was saturated with nonsense in computes and I was not going to have much of a chance to do anything with my certifications.
--Katie had pushed me several times without much success and I just sat on my hands saying there was nothing I could do. And then... I was faced with the gravity of it all. I realized she kept stepping on my feet because she saw something in me that I didn't, and it really was pissing her off that I was not fixing this problem I had with my life. And I ignored it. For years. I just kept going with my days without much thought to where I was going. In that one moment, I sat in front of my computer staring at messages from the past and that's when I decided it: I had to change. There's nothing for me where I am going except more years working for a retailer, and a place I simply cannot stand anymore. I've always known the work was beneath me, but now it's painful to sit here and ponder a future here. I'll never amount to anything other than average, stuck in a place like this with no hope of unwinding that coil.
--So from this point forward, I'm bettering myself. I'm going to cast the cynicism of the last 6 years, forget about being completely angry at the world, and focus on realigning my goals. I'm not only doing this for myself anymore, but for anyone who thought I would never become anything. For all those people who believed I could be more than I am. And I am especially doing this for Katie, since she was one of the few people who saw what only few ever saw. There's no more time to waste on this, and I've constructed a road map to guide me along the way, starting with obtaining my license. And after that it'll be finding some profession to invest in and go back to school to get it done.
--I've wasted enough time doing nothing. Now's the point where that all changes.
--Most people are a tad maniacal (in an evil sense) about what I like, but I share in the hopes that one day this will help realize to others that what I have a vested interest in, are things that I will have always liked. That is including, but not limited to, science fiction, technology, troubleshooting computers, using the internet for various purposes, not all of which are bad. Anybody who knows me is going to realize I am logical, rational, and have a rather dry sense of humor. Almost nothing takes me by surprise (unless one counts any instance where screaming or sudden actions are used) and I can generally get along with anyone, provided they do not talk in circles and are sociable themselves. Religion is irrelevant, though, I am always open to listen to anyone about that sort of thing. Anything else one might want to ask, please, feel free to give me a message or two. I encourage anyone from my area to give me a sign, as I am always curious about those who I knew for years of my life. I have messengers, so please, feel free to ring the proverbial doorbell.
--For activities, Star Trek is the main thing. If all you want to do is make fun of it, I don't want to hear it. I like other science fiction, so if you like it too, then it's something I can go on about. I like cosplayers (Search the word "Cosplay" on the Wikipedia website for details), though due to my inability to portray any characters, I do not partake in the act. Parties never happen for me, so you'll almost never see me at them, also taking into account I have no friends, thus I cannot be invited. Video games, while I do not bleed and breathe them, they are an avid interest, unless you are speaking of the TV network G4; in that case, I do not have any love for video games associated with most shows on that network. Another thing that is usually extra curricular for me is walking around town. Sure most people hate Brodhead, but I was born and raised here, and this is where I want to be, despite popular belief. It's my home, no matter what. If you have any questions, go ahead an ask. I'm sure that I am missing something from this.
--Interests are: if you're friendly and open, I want to meet you. If you are overly obsessed with an object, word, philosophy, geometric shape, mathematical equations, concept art, or hand grenades, do not talk to me. Otherwise, please, by all means, take a minute and say something. I am not terribly picky about who the person is, just as long as they have something meaningful to say, I haven't any problems with that. Also, I don't care what you look like: if you're a babe, a stud, a rug stain or missing some facial appendage, I don't have any preference. If you're friendly, I'm all ears.
--I like a little rock, little rap, little country, some orchestral, a lot of video game music, some pop, plenty of 80's, some of the 90's. Anything else you'll have to find out.
--Favorite TV programming is Science fiction. Sure, might be lame to most people, but not to me. I don't watch TV much, but it used to be everything on TechTV until they went south, then it changed to relatively nothing. I watch Spike TV a lot just because the programming is always nice to run across. But for me, the television has become cluttered with meaningless reality garbage, and that's just unacceptable. Thus, I will not watch most of what is currently on the air.
--Again, Science Fiction is here for my movie choices. I have a disdain for horror, as most of them are critically terrible, too gory for casual viewers such as myself, and not scary in the slightest. Action is cool, drama can be all right, anything else is iffy. Comedy probably ranks high, though. George Carlin is a hero of sorts for me.
--It sounds like a broken record after this, but again with the Sci-fi. It's all I read, and frankly, all that appeals to me, though I have read the Resident Evil books, so that is a little outside that box. Technical reading is for me, and the occasional magazine about games works it's mysterious ways. The internet is also a source of great amusement for me on a regular basis, as there's always something new going on.
"Because, while I do not know who the enemy is any longer, I do know who my friends are, and that I have not done as well by them as I should. I hope to change that. I hope to do better."
... Londo to G'Kar in Babylon 5:"No Surrender, No Retreat"
That's all that faith requires. That we surrender ourselves to the possibility of hope. For that I'm content."
...Brother Alwyn in Babylon 5:"The Deconstruction of Falling Stars"
Current Residence: Brodhead, WI
Favourite genre of music: Orchestral
Favourite photographer: None
Favourite style of art: The one that looks good.
Operating System: Windows XP, SP3
MP3 player of choice: VLC Media Player
Shell of choice: Molten
Wallpaper of choice: Anything to do with space.
Skin of choice: None
Favourite cartoon character: Seto Kaiba
Personal Quote: "Rearrange the letters of subtext... what do you get?"