Date: 109121.6
Stardate: 63459.6

--I find it's a lot harder to keep friends these days. Part of it is due to my extreme attitude that i occasionally display, other times it's out of sheer neglect on their part, or perhaps they just disappear from my life at some point, only to make brief appearances throughout. Whatever the case might be, I've lost a couple more... one by choice, and the other left of their own accord. This is leaving me feeling a little... hallow. I'm not sure if depressed is the word for it anymore... I feel less and less as though any of this affects me beyond a superficial level. No, that doesn't mean I am emo, but I just don't seem to feel it as much as I used to. I wonder if that's just my brain telling me that it's not a huge deal anymore, or that it's just not worth keeping these people around. I've always tried to look to friends for a sort of a comfort. People I could go to and actually feel relaxed around. Now all I feel is tension, angst, aggression. As though they are always doing something that I disapprove of. No, it's not the right thing to do, but unfortunately it just happens to be that way a majority of the time. I guess I can attribute that to the previous reason just as much as any of this behavior.
--I apologize in advance for the lack of updates, it appears I just lost track of time... that and I needed something really major to update with. This seemed as good a time as any to get this stuff off of my chest. That sense of loss is there, and I think it always makes me feel a little better when I can vent it here, not that I care if anyone reads or responds to it, but I would like to make it known to the universe that I'm just simply not that happy with the way things are going here. Yeah, there's a lot of people who decide that they don't need friends. Perhaps I should just limit to people I can actually see and hear, rather than anything else. Maybe people who are always around, who don't disappear for no good reason and who come back and explain if they do. To top all these personal things off, however, my computer has gone through a lot too.
--I had to reinstall Windows twice, find out that Windows 7 doesn't work on it, Bioshock crashes every time I play it, Windows Update won't work, and that I have a corrupt hard drive inside that I had to rescue things off of to make sure I didn't lose any data in the event that it crashed. Do I feel as though the universe is fighting me? The answer is simple: all the time. I think I've had it marginally easy since I got out on my own. It doesn't help that a lot of what's been happening has made me angry or upset. And work isn't helping with that. No, it's not major, but a lot of the minor stuff really piles up on you, and can drive you to insanity. Escape from reality seems more and more appealing every day, which is why I delve into games... to cool myself off... and it's not that exciting sometimes when the games end up frustrating me as well. I'm sure some of you will read this and say "He's complaining again.", and yes, you'd be right. This is the place where I complain a lot. Just look back at some of the first entries... they're full of bitching. Although I appreciate the folks who take the time to read my things, I hope you all can take the time and appreciate your own lives and not try to help me out of this hole I dug myself. It appears I have to do it on my own, anyway. You all can't waste time making stupid life-changing decisions. I know that from experience first hand.
--I'm not sure there's much else for me to talk about at this moment. I just felt like this had to come out, because it helps me a little. Maybe it'll help other people not feel so bad about themselves, or perhaps they'll find someone to empathize with through this. I don't know, right now, but I would like to think that something good comes of all of this, for everyone. The bad parts of life might be a chapter in the here and now, but things always manage to find ways of getting a lot worse somewhere down the road. However, it won't be in the form of 2012.

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